He felt like a one man threesome
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
