I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
