Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
