This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
