Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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