God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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