the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You work out of a Hotel?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
