i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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