You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
