dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
