Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
