so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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