just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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