I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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