I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
