dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
