you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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