do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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