Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
