Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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