Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
