why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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