I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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