i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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