So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
how drunk are you?
Several
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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