If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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