Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
