i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
