I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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