so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
