His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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