I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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