I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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