That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
