So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
