Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
