Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize