Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
