So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
