It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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