P.S. I can't hear my feet
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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