She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
