I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
