Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
