fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Alive.
So much puke
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
