He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
