And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
