I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
