She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
