So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
