So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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