hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize