Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
