im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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