[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
