tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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