lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is Oprah even human
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
