i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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