So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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