I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
