take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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