it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
