When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
