My nipple is on Facebook.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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