I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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