How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize