i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
