just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
