There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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