Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
