i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
