atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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