my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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