i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
