Texts From Last Night

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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.

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  (662): An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows. http://tfl.nu/wtg2
  Replies (19) Good night (1242) Bad night (3379)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine

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  (585): I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine http://tfl.nu/d7kh
  Replies (12) Good night (977) Bad night (6461)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

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  (360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93
  Replies (16) Good night (1415) Bad night (6166)
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  (310): View more from California

  based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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  (310): based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment http://tfl.nu/srdh
  Replies (31) Good night (1433) Bad night (12047)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy

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  (+61): I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy http://tfl.nu/e6l2
  Replies (36) Good night (4100) Bad night (1048)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.

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  (314): It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage. http://tfl.nu/ccnt
  Replies (13) Good night (2707) Bad night (1422)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink

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  (678): I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink http://tfl.nu/zdy9
  Replies (11) Good night (987) Bad night (1022)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!

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  (+44): Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/zew5
  Replies (1) Good night (758) Bad night (1061)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.

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  (716): Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day. http://tfl.nu/hsum
  Replies (4) Good night (1228) Bad night (580)
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  (818): View more from California

  Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.

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  (818): Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest. http://tfl.nu/joqb
  Replies (9) Good night (1372) Bad night (473)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle

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  (561): I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle http://tfl.nu/mlt6
  Replies (4) Good night (467) Bad night (798)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  Hahahah pickled

  (207): View more from Maine

  I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.

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  (207): She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect. (1-207): Hahahah pickled (207): I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water. http://tfl.nu/9g1y
  Replies (1) Good night (307) Bad night (508)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.

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  (330): this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more. http://tfl.nu/e0jy
  Replies (3) Good night (545) Bad night (284)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.

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  (316): So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory. http://tfl.nu/2ivk
  Replies (3) Good night (560) Bad night (326)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.

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  (203): the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law. http://tfl.nu/eqhh
  Replies (5) Good night (579) Bad night (114)

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