If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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