I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im so drunk with asians
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go