Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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