I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
