no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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