are you so shy because you have an std?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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