I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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