Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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