shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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