I heard we made out
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
