You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
