i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
