I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
