Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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