There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
