I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
