My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
this hospital has no fireball
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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