she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
